Film Review - Slender Man - 2018
Title: Slender Man Format: DVD Released: 2018
Starring: Joey King, Julia Goldani, Jaz Sinclair, Julia Goldani Telles,
Well, I could sum this film up with one four letter word and be done, but that’s not professional blogging, so here we go. What’s wrong with this film? Everything is the short answer. What should have been the film of the year will forever go down as one of the worst films ever made.
Yet this shouldn’t be the case given the source material.
Let’s look at that source material first, the Slender Man (A.K.A: Slenderman) started life as an internet meme, created by Eric Knudsen (A.K.A: Victor Surge) in 2009 on the Something Awful forums (1).
What he created, in just a picture and just a few words, gripped people’s imagination and worked its way into worldwide folklore overnight. It was so well thought out and felt so real. If you didn’t know the origins you would assume it was a centuries old folk tale. It’s also been stated that the meme was influenced by H.P. Lovecraft (my joint favourite author (Dan Abnett is the other one)), so the rich source material from both Lovecraft and Knudsen should have transitioned to film with ease.
My bet is that it would have done, if only Sylvain White, had used it. I’m guessing he only looked at the picture because what was on screen was just shit. There is no way around saying it, there was nothing in the film that reflected the Slender Man’s origin or story.
Instead we are given a cross between the Ring’s death video and the Mr. Men. Yet the story, or lack thereof, was not the only problem with this horror of a film! Crammed with some massive up and coming actors with the likes of Joey King and Annalise Basso to name just two, you would expect it to still be save-able or at least hold your interest. Sadly, they give the worst performance on film I’ve seen since my friend forced me to watch his four-year-old sing on home video (sorry dude if you are reading this but it was just plain awful).
Then there was the cinematography from Luca Del Puppo. Given his history in film, goodness knows what happened with this one. Wait, what about the sound, I hear you cry; well that was so bad I had to put the subtitles on to know what the heck was being mumbled under the nonstop soundtrack.
But WAIT! We have still to get to the worst part; yup; the editing. I’ve seen better from a child editing a video they shot on their phone; I really wish I was kidding.
I shall give you an example; there is a scene where Hallie (Julia Goldani Telles) says something to her friend, Wren (Joey King). The shot is a close-up off Hallies' face as she speaks. It then cuts to a mid-shot from the side of both Hallie and Wren and there is a count of three between Hallie speaking and Wren reacting. I know this as I ran it back, so I could time it. I just could not believe something like that got into a mainstream film. They all stand there on screen, frozen for around three seconds before Wrens' reaction. It was so painful to watch; I can tell you, I laughed so hard my sides hurt!
I could go on, but I refuse to waste anymore of my time and yours on this horrendous film, for the sake of your sanity don’t watch this pile of excrement. Unless of course you are studying filmmaking then watch it as a perfect example of how not to make a film.
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